Father’s Day
Published by Mark Von Nida on June 15th, 2008
When I was growing up, the ideal dad on TV was Fred MacMurray in “My Three Sons”. He was wise and patient and he always seem to know what to do. Today, that ideal is considered quaint. We have Homer Simpson as the premier television goofy dad instead. As we celebrate Father’s Day, families will honor their father with cards, fishing poles and barbeque. The niceties of the day belie the fragile image of fatherhood in modern culture. We have absentee fathers and dads as comic relief but a father that knows best is part of the patriarchal past.
While it’s nice to celebrate Father’s Day, I wonder if we would be better served by a different attitude altogether. Fatherhood involves sacrifice and service to be sure which of course deserves gratitude but let’s not ignore the rewards.
Fatherhood has been the single most important influence in my life. More than my career, friends or interests, being a dad has changed me. It made me look in the mirror and truly contemplate what kind of man I am and what kind of man do I want to be. There’s nothing like hearing a two year old innocently repeating an oft used curse word to make one aware of what being a role model truly entails.
Being a dad has been full of joyful moments like playing catch and catching fish. I’d have to say the most fulfilling times were those teaching moments which popped up when least expected. It often is not what was said as much as what was done. My dad used to say “Do as I say, not as I do.” He and I both knew that was ridiculous, so I vowed to avoid hypocrisy when I was a father.
Of course there have been many times I failed to live up to my own standards. When I was impatient or intemperate or might have chosen my words badly, it was those moments of contrition and reflection that taught more about character than all the lectures combined.
Some of the best advice I ever saw was written by Don Miller the retired editor of The Telegraph. “If you love your children, work on your marriage.” I took those words to heart and so, fatherhood helped me to be a better husband. My wife and I became partners committed to a relationship that is nurturing for both the children and each other.
Without fatherhood I doubt I could ever know the depth of love that I feel for my children. An unconditional love that is more important than life itself. I don’t think there is any question that if one loves that deeply, life becomes more rich and full.
People are the sum of many factors in their lives and so it is risky business for parents to claim too much credit for the successes of their children. My sons are becoming men and I can’t tell you how proud I am of them. The source of my pride is knowing them and thinking that they have become a better person than I know I am. I also know I am a better person because of them.
On this Father’s Day, my answer to my boy’s gratitude is, “thank you.”
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